Seven Awful Things

I love this Judy Rogers song! I'm desperately hunting the school room for our copy of "Go to the Ant." My older children LOVED these songs when they were young, and I'm realizing my younger ones are missing out! Check out Judy's website for wonderful songs for your children that will help hide the Word and His ways in their hearts!

Seven Awful Things

There are six things - even seven, that the Lord hates - things He cannot stand!
Proud looking eyes
A lying tongue
Hands that shed innocent blood
A heart that thinks of wicked things to do
And feet that run to evil, too
Anyone who loves to lie about others
And the one who causes trouble with his brothers

God is love - we know that's true
But God hates things that we should hate too
Like proud looking eyes
A lying tongue
Hands that shed innocent blood
A heart that thinks of wicked things to do
And feet that run to evil, too
Anyone who loves to lie about others
And the one who causes trouble with his brothers

There are six things - even seven, that the Lord hates - things He cannot stand!
Proud looking eyes
A lying tongue
Hands that shed innocent blood
A heart that thinks of wicked things to do
And feet that run to evil, too
Anyone who loves to lie about others
And the one who causes trouble with his brothers












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The Beauty of Courtship and Betrothal

As I consider the lessons God has taught me over the years, through the brambles and tares of life, I wonder when I’ll learn that I have so much left to learn! The journey each Christian takes has many ups and downs—many twists and turns; and, often, we begin to think we understand the way, without knowing what lies ahead. It’s an exciting journey and we should learn to look forward to the exercise of faith that is part of the Christian walk.

The Bible may be our living GPS system, and the path God has us on doesn’t change; still, the landscape, the surroundings, and the people on the road with us do change. Therefore, we need to learn to walk by faith, being flexible enough to understand how to apply that unchanging road map to real, moving, organic life.

Over the last ten years, our convictions regarding courtship, marriage, and family have remained pretty much the same; however, as God has continued to shape and fine tune the way those convictions are worked out in our own family, we have realized with increasing clarity how each family and each child within the family is amazingly unique. Therefore, so many things are fluid.

Amidst the growing pains, we have been humbled as God has reminded us of His amazing providence and power. No, we are not in control; God is. Deus habenas tenet! He knows what is best for us—and He will be glorified by it! About a year and a half ago, James and I shared our family’s view on courtship and the commitment period between courtship and marriage—a period we call betrothal.

Yet, the definitions of betrothal drastically vary— even to the point of some folks meaning an “arranged marriage” when they use the term. We believe the word betroth, is a valid and strong word, even if it needs a clarifier. One online dictionary defines it this way:

“A mutual promise, engagement, or contract for a future marriage between the persons betrothed…”

[Middle English bitrouthen : bi-, be- + trouth, troth (from Old English trēowth]

“To promise by one’s truth.” In other words, to give one’s word.

To me, the term engagement communicates a date on the calendar. The focus is the wedding, rather than the marriage. While there is nothing wrong with using the term engagement (we still use it ourselves at times), I prefer the term betrothal because of its focus on the promise of marriage—the anticipation of the two becoming one.

And while a betrothal is a promise, we also acknowledge that two parties are involved, and some things are beyond our control. Therefore, things don’t always work out the way we hope or intend. While a betrothal is “binding” in the sense that it is a promise, it is not a marriage—the two have not yet become one. If there is some significant reason the two should not marry, there needn’t be a divorce; because, in our country, they are not married—they are not legally bound to one another. Again, some things are beyond our control; but, they are not beyond God’s power. We trust Him.

James and I have updated our personal statement regarding our family’s stand on courtship and betrothal. We hope you understand that while we believe that the way we define courtship and betrothal is a good way, based on Scripture, for unmarried couples to honor and enter marriage in purity, it is not the only way it can be properly worked out. Therefore, we humbly submit to you our thoughts, asking that you compare all we say to Scripture, remembering that there are no formulas:

The Bible gives us many prescripts, but not as many processes. God’s Word presents a number of concepts on how men and women are to relate to one another, as well as how they might prepare themselves for marriage; but it is certainly not a cookbook. While I don’t see a “biblical formula,” I do see biblical principles that will help our children move toward marriage in purity.

So, the way our family chooses to live out these precepts is just that – our choice. It is our application of the biblical precepts found in Scripture. This is not a new law for you. You may choose a very different path with your family and your children – and that is fine with me. I do not see a “one-size-fits-all” model in Scripture for courtship and betrothal. Each family’s version of courtship will look different – and it may even look different from child to child. It has in our family!

In our family betrothal is a promise between a man and a woman to marry. It is a commitment that should not be broken, except in the case of death, sexual unfaithfulness, or a major sin or character issue that was not revealed during the courtship process.

The concepts of courtship and betrothal may seem foreign to some—archaic, and constricting. In a culture where marriage is redefined to include perverted homosexual unions, where recreational dating and “hooking up” is the norm, and where couples divorce because they “fell out of love,” courtship and betrothal may seem old-fashioned and strange.

Against the postmodern mind stands the authoritative Word of God. As a Christian family, we strive to make sure that the way we live and think is directed by the Words of Scripture. Of course, we often fall woefully short, but God is gracious to help us learn from the mistakes and sins of the past - to live more faithfully today. And, Lord willing, our children will learn to live even closer to the mark than we have.

Most of us did not understand courtship and betrothal when we were young. Perhaps, like me, you had never even heard of it. We grew up in a world where dating numerous different people, sometimes at the same time, was part of growing up. “Going steady” a few times, “experimenting in the back seat” a few times, and “breaking up” a few times, were expected rituals.

As Christian parents, we wanted something more for our children. Therefore, we began to pray, research, and listen to testimonies of faithful Christian parents who we knew were travelling a different path with their children than the mainstream dating crowd.

Courtship

In our home, courtship is a structured period where a young man and a young woman learn about one another within the natural setting of family and fellowship—in the midst of children, normal laughter, conversation, and even conflict (and how it’s resolved).

One-on-one relationships are notorious for the “rose colored glasses” syndrome. A family offers background, conversation—and protection. Not that courtship is a fool-proof method of “discovery” about the other party, but it is certainly more accurate than the dating culture of modern America.

During the courtship period, the young man must decide if he in fact can love this woman as Christ loves the church. Can his heart safely trust her? Is she indeed a virtuous woman whose worth is far above rubies? Will she make a good helper to him and a good mother to his children?

And the young lady must decide if she in fact can respect and submit to this man as unto the Lord. Will he be a faithful provider, protector, lover, and father to her children? Is he a wise or foolish man? What of his character?

Are they theologically aligned? Are they likeminded in areas of importance? Are they in agreement on major life issues? Courtship is not a time of fluttery romance and unrestrained emotion. That time will come soon enough.

We encourage each party to remember that the other may in fact be someone else’s (future) husband or wife. Part of learning to love the other is to spur one another on to good works and self-control – faithfulness to the Lord. During this time, the couple prays for the Lord’s will and the emotions are held in reserve as much as possible.

Obviously, as the courtship progresses, the affection and friendship between the two will surely grow as a sign of a healthy relationship, but the true romance has not yet begun; therefore emotions should be guarded. It is still a time of “discovery,” and both parties should pay close attention to the character of the other, as it is revealed in daily life.

How does the young lady react when her father asks her to do something inconvenient? What is her response to disappointment? Is she helpful? Does she have a modest demeanor? Is she flirtatious?

How does the young man respond to his mother? Are there signs of an anger problem? Is he too forward? What is his reaction to noisy siblings? Is he a hard worker?

Betrothal

As time goes by, and as relationships grow, the character of each is likely to be revealed. And, should the young man decide that she is “the one” God has for him; he approaches the young lady’s father, asking for her hand in marriage. If Dad feels the match is a good one, he gives his permission to the young man to “win her heart.” The young man is then free to propose to the young lady, and the decision is up to her.

If the young lady has also come to believe that she can love and honor the young man as the church should Christ, she accepts his offer of marriage and offers her heart in return. And thus the betrothal begins—a time when they develop a mature and holy love for one another. Romance blossoms. They grow together emotionally and hearts are bound together.

Yet still, it’s a time of physical restraint as they look ahead to that coming day of matrimony. That first touch of affection—that powerful moment is saved for the glorious day God has ordained for them—the day they begin their life together as husband and wife.

Again, this is our attempt to apply the precepts of the Word of God to courtship and marriage. We willingly offer our understanding of Scripture and share our lives with you as a testimony of God’s grace in our lives, not as a “rule” or “burden” for anyone to follow.

Not too long ago, I received the DVD, To Be One, in the mail from Peter Telian, a young man who put together a documentary detailing three distinctly different courtship stories from beginning to end. Each family had obvious theological differences, as well as significantly different lifestyles. Their goals for their children were similar, and the young couples were equally committed; yet, each family was very unique in its approach to preparing for marriage.

I found myself agreeing and disagreeing with various things each couple/family shared, which just goes to show you that no two families are the same—and we can learn from one another whether or not we agree. Though I found myself best able to relate to Jeff and Ashley, I loved hearing the sweet stories that each couple shared. I learned a lot from their testimonies and enjoyed hearing the perspectives of both parents and children before and after marriage. Much to think about. Thanks, Peter!

I highly recommend To be One to anyone who is looking for an alternative to the “dating mindset.”

Jesus-full

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." (Psalm 127:3-5, ESV)

Over the last couple of months, I’ve contemplated and prayed over the various controversies and consequences of the term “quiverfull.” As some of you may know, our family was interviewed several months ago by the Religious Affairs reporter for BBC regarding the “quiverfull movement. Though we explained to him that we aren’t part of any movement, that we don’t view having children as some sort of fertility contest, and that I only gave birth to six of our ten children, we also told him we welcome all the children God chooses to bless us with; and we believe it is our responsibility (and joy!) as Christian parents to train them up in the way they should go.

It was refreshing to share with him the joy and awesome opportunity we have in the Lord to accept, nurture, love, and train up all the precious lives God entrusts to us—whether from our own womb, or through his Providential hand. Our curious reporter was intrigued, but seemed to want to focus on “the movement” and what sort of political motives must be behind our philosophy. Welcoming children into our family isn’t about a movement, we told him, it’s about a vision—a vision for “other-focused” living that will produce generations of Christians who love God with all their hearts, soul, and strength. I think he finally got it.

You see, it’s not about numbers—an out of wedlock mother of eight who is paid by the government to stay unmarried and dependent on the state could easily out breed most of us, if given enough incentive.

No; it’s about faithfulness. It’s about instilling in our children, our church, and our culture a passion for purity, children, family, and most of all, Jesus. It’s about raising up godly seed (Christian children) who aren’t focused on living for their own fleeting pleasures; but, are instead committed to glorifying God and enjoying Him forever—which involves loving one’s neighbor as one’s self.

"For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”" (Galatians 5:14, ESV)

But you see, before we can do that, we have to believe it. Really believe it. We have to believe it so much that we are living it out each day without even thinking. We must value each life as much as we value our own—way down deep.

We live in a culture that is growing more and more apathetic toward the sacredness of life. Children are brutally murdered in the womb in the name of “women’s rights.” Elderly parents, to whom we are commanded to honor and care for, are forgotten in the name of convenience. The severely ill or handicapped are denied food and water, so they might die in the name of compassion.

Life. Its value, it seems, is measured only in what it offers us—or how it threatens to inconvenience us. The more I contemplate the value of children, the more I realize that my view of children is bound up in how I value life. Am I truly loving my neighbor, my own family, the lost, the poor? Am I looking for ways to bring more and more glory to my Lord? Or am I looking for a cold and dusty list of rules? Am I hoping for loopholes or excuses? Am I worried about my free time? My career? My sanity? Am I ready to blame others or circumstance for why I “can’t” do this or that?

You see, Satan hates human life. He hates godly seed. He hates all that God loves. And he lurks in the shadows ready to devour the fruit in our lives, if we give him the chance (1 Peter 5:8). How do we escape? Scripture does not tell us to flee; instead we are told to submit ourselves to God, resist the devil, and the devil will flee from us (James 4:7)!

Are we willing to lay ourselves at the feet of Jesus as obedient and selfless servants? Or will we refuse to submit to Him, failing to resist the devil? Will we allow Satan to devour our God-ordained love for our neighbor (human life) by focusing on ourselves and our own flesh? Will we forget our primary purpose in life, which is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? I pray not.

Here’s the thing. It’s not about whether or not you believe birth control is a sin. It’s really not about that at all, and in some ways it distracts us from the real point. The real issue is far, far more important. It’s about loving God, loving our neighbor, loving life, embracing His revealed will, and working hard to live out the Gospel honestly and faithfully before a watching...and desperate world.

Let me ask you something. What do the heathen hear from the “quiverfull crowd?”

• “Birth control is a sin!”

Or

• “Children are a blessing! It is hard work to train them up faithfully, but we are committed to trusting God, sacrificing if need be, and enjoying every minute we have with each little one that God gives us!”

My husband and I came to our convictions without anyone giving us a list of rules. God revealed to us the blessing of life—children—and we learned to slowly trust Him with the details. Yes, we were confronted with Scripture by some bold and faithful brothers and sisters; but, their focus was the blessing of life—and trusting God.

"Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:31-33, ESV)

As we learn to seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, He faithfully works out the rest. There are days when life is really, really hard. Noisy days. Dirty days. “I’m locking myself in the bathroom again” days! In fact, just this week, sin was bouncing off every wall in our house! “Mom! She messed up my whole game again…on PURPOSE!”

My hormones were raging, my body was depleted of energy, my nerves were all on the outside of my skin, and my sin was being dredged to the surface of my being—and my children, as usual, responded in like manner.

But never once did I regret having them. Never once did I think, “What in the world have we done, having all these children!” No; I am humbled that God has chosen to bless me with these precious little lives, undeserving and weak as I am, because I know it’s not about me. It’s about training them up for Him—as difficult as that may be some days. Longsuffering is something I think we sometimes file away for missionaries; but, don’t be fooled (Eph. 4:2), we ARE missionaries! And as I submit to God—as I raise my children up for Him, He allows me to enjoy them as gifts from His hand.

So, stop focusing on the rules. Don’t get so caught up in the details! Start focusing on the blessing that comes from denying yourself and submitting to God and the details will take care of themselves. Am I “quiverfull?” No, I think I’d rather be “Jesus-full.” And because of that, I’m glad to stand aside; so, God might fill my quiver with whatever best glorifies Him.

Letter from a Reader

"He told me the other night that this is the happiest and most satisfied that he has been in nearly 14 years of marriage."

This morning, one of my readers left a comment that I found encouraging and wanted to pass it on. What a good reminder to us women that what we're doing in our homes for our husbands and children really does make a difference. Thanks for sharing, Christy!

"I can honestly attest to the reference of a man's need to see his wife, not on the train at the end of a hard day's "business" work for both of them; but, rather, a man's desire is to see his wife in the sanctuary of his home, making the sun shine on his piece of earth.

My husband and I worked and toiled in the "business world" together (and apart) for nearly 11 years before our first son. I then came home on a "part-time/work from home" basis for just over a year. I have now been in my home, in my true calling, as wife and mother for 1.5 years, and we are now expecting our 3rd baby (in under 3 years)...what changes!

While my husband doesn't always come home to "peace and tranquility" (in a home filling up with toddlers)--he does come home to me--earnestly engrossed in his home and kingdom. He told me the other night that this is the happiest and most satisfied that he has been in nearly 14 years of marriage. (And we have had an idyllic marriage, in both our estimations.) What a tremendous blessing to my heart, and our home!!

In even further confirmation of the perfect will of God in our lives as believers, my brother-in-law (my sister's husband) commented to my husband that he wants his wife to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. He noted that he sees the confidence and peace in my husband, and as a new believer, he wants that kind of joy in his home...which, in great part, is due to committing our home in the hands of God and discovering His desires in our roles, as husband, wife and parents.

I lied to myself and others for a very long time...I really believed that I "could have it all". The problem with "having it all" is that NONE of it is ever done to the best of our ability, or in God's perfect will. Something will always suffer. Working women/mothers may not "fail" in their tasks, but they will never know the true satisfaction of a wholly committed relationship with their husbands and children. (I couldn't, my attentions were always split between my responsibilities...this is the nature of being human.)

I thank God for His grace in placing me (reluctantly, at first), in His true calling for my life. I am reminded each day that this is the most satisfying, and sanctifying, work that I will ever do.

Thank you, Mrs. McDonald, for your book (Passionate Housewives...). That book hit me in the heart with the most powerful message known to man...the Word of God. Since I read that book 2.5 years ago, we (my husband and I) have called this season of our lives, the "Transformation". We count it a blessing to have brothers and sisters in the faith (that we may not meet here on earth), that are real in their encouragement to press closer to the One and Only, the Great I AM."

The Little Kingdom of Home

From "The Little Kingdom of Home," copyright 1904

"What the home asks from the mother, from the wife, is not money, but influence, not things, but herself. . .

The husband's key is in the latch; he looks up expectant, and is not satisfied until he sees the brightening of his day in the dear face that makes the sunshine of his world. A weary wife meeting him on the train with a host of business interests, not unlike his own, the absorption of the office in her bearing, and the dust of travel on her skirts, cannot be to him the comforter, the refuge, the rest that his home-staying, home-keeping wife is. . .

What the home seeks of the wife and mother is leisure to listen to its problems, discretion to guide its counsels, and serenity to bless its atmosphere.

There are times in the life of every young girl when she needs her mother; not knowing which of two or three paths to choose, it is all-important that she shall turn to the woman nearest her on earth, and dearest, for advice and help.

Perhaps a boy, at the transitional period between early youth and opening manhood, even more than a girl, needs some one at home, to whom he may carry his perplexities, some one untroubled by the whirl and rush of the hurrying tide of humanity outside the door, some one who can be to a lad in his first hour of temptation, his earliest time of trial, just what a mother and only a mother can be.

The biographies of men who have been eminent and successful, and have advanced the world's work, show with remarkable uniformity that they have had mothers who were the strong forces for good in the background; mothers who thought, and read, and wrought, and prayed, and who were not mere workers in the open mart for wages. The world wants good mothers. It can do without clever money-makers. . .

Plain little mothers with the instinct of the hovering wing, they brooded over their children and, little known beyond their doors, diffused heaven's blessing within them. Thank God for pure, sweet, capable, gentle sympathizing, old-fashioned mothers!

Ruskin says: 'The best women are indeed the most difficult to know. They are recognized chiefly in the happiness of their husbands and the nobleness of their children; they are only to be divined, not discerned by the stranger, and sometimes seem almost helpless except in their homes.'

For the prevalent temper of the household, for its aroma of fragrance, its sense of proportion of what is owed to God and to one's fellow beings, we must look to the mother. Her communion with the unseen permeates the visible life of the household, and freshens its every-day air.

The ideal wife and mother has higher and finer things to do than to be a breadwinner, unless, in the tempest of life, her husband has been swept away, and she is compelled to leave her natural sphere and toil for her children. . .

When all is said, and whatever the circumstances, the best a woman can give her home and her children is herself. Any other thing is merely second best. And whoever so lives that a strong, steadfast, unwavering personality stamps its hallmark on her family, will be remembered by 'what she has done,' long after the money that looms so large in her view has become of no value in the world to which we go.

There the banker's strong box, and the millionaire's securities, and the gewgaws for which men and women barter their souls, will be but as rubbish for the dust heap. For in that land are enduring values, and a crown that shall never lose its luster, a crown of life.

Great men have had great mothers. Yet we are mistaken if we limit the influence of mothers by the few examples that have come to us from history. In a generation, here and there, one man or one woman is conspicuous, forced to the front by opportunity, or by a talent for leadership.

The mass of men do their work and fill their places in comparative obscurity, and worthily or unworthily, often, according to their early training. Mothers have their innings before the world's chance comes. It cannot be too often repeated, and mothers should not be hampered by wage-earning, if it can be helped."

Over the Years...

With an extra special hug to Mimi and Papa

and Grandma Betty and Grandpa David...

Scroll all the way to the bottom to find our yummy recipe for

Homemade (Cooked) Egg Nog!

McDonald Maidens Christmas Morning 1999

Jessica, Abigail, and Melissa (Galveston - Dickens on the Strand 1999)

Caroling for the Grandparents (Christmas 1999)

Abigail (Texas 2000)
Jessica and Abigail (Texas 2001) Tiffany delivering goodies (in costume) to the neighbors (Texas 2001) Mommy (pregnant with Emma), Virginia Grace, and Abigail (2002)

Grace and Emma (Texas 2002) Papa and Caleb (Texas 2002)
Shayne, James, Micah, and Caleb (Texas 2003)

Christa, Dielle, Stacy, Tiffany, Faydra (Texas 2003)

Christa (Texas 2005) Baking Cookies with Mommy (Illinois 2006) The bow tie club! (Illinois 2006)Christa and Daniel with Grandma
and Grandpa Steffan and Mimi and Papa

Daddy Helpin' in the Kitchen (Illinois 2007)

Tiffany and Melissa (Illinois 2007)
Tiffany (Illinois 2007)
Caleb helping with Dinner (Illinois 2007)

Homemade (Cooked) Egg Nog

-6 egg yolks (do not use whole egg)
-1/4 cup sugar
-1/4 tsp salt
-1 quart milk
-1 tsp vanilla
-1/4 tsp nutmeg (optional)
-1/4 tsp cinnamon (optional)

PREPARATION: Beat eggs, sugar and salt together in a mixing bowl. Whisk in the milk. Cook mixture over a double boiler whisking occasionally. When it is fairly thick and thinly coats a spoon, remove from heat. Remove from heat and mix in the vanilla, nutmeg, and cinnamon.

Life in the Country!

Aside from the coyotes, spiders, septic tank issues, aromatic well water, mud, and chicken poop, I LOVE living in the country! Really I do!